Grey Can Be Good
Twenties. I so far have lived through the first 4 years of this decade long age. It feels good. My bones are strong, I can run without assistance, I can eat black cherry ice cream and angel food cake for dinner with no regrets. I can have a bottle of wine at 11 o’clock at night and wake up at 6 o’clock the next morning for a full day at work (though I do not recommend it). I can babysit my 2-year-old niece for the evening then go to a midnight premiere a few hours later with friends. I can do things.
Lots of things.
There’s a lot of uncertainty in your twenties, however. Especially if you were raised with a mindset where there were 2 sides and no room for middle.
Shouldn’t I be married by now? Is 27 too old to start having kids? Am I in too much debt? What did I need this college degree for? Should I have gotten on that plane? Why am I so indecisive?
It especially happens when I’m sitting in my cubicle and, via Instagram, watching a classmate from high school travel the world with nothing but a backpack and a hearty pair of shoes. It happens when my husband and I have a disagreement and I wonder would a baby right now make things better or worse? It happens when I dress corporately and confidently when I’d rather just wear cut-offs, eat street tacos, and ponder the idea of a scandalous tattoo. It happens when I feel the need to please everyone else but myself.
But I’m in that grey stage.
The stage where I’m young enough to dare but old enough to know better.
A lot of us grow up thinking this thing called life is black and white. This or that. Right or left. Apple and oranges
But no. It is grey. So grey.
But maybe grey is good.
Maybe it is OK that we see neither dark nor light but the faded glow of chance. Maybe it is OK that we can both love someone yet disagree with their life choices. Maybe it is OK to bask in the warmth of uncertainty rather than burying the cold emotions in layers or melting them all away under the heat.
Maybe grey is a precursor to a silver lining.